Honestly, I love your Substack because I love your voice and its honesty. And I relate so much to the struggles and joys of the path you’ve chosen. I don’t read it because I think I’ll discover 10 Tips to Becoming a Best-Seller or anything like that. I just feel, when I read your posts, that we’re all just staggering through this ridiculous shit-show, with its moments of otter sublimity, together.
Ros- I think you should write a memoir. The tapping book and your stories here are amazingly engrossing. Raw, human, tragi-comic -and always soldiering on towards the light. I think you would have many readers. Plus- the bracing reality of how writers put a life together is of deep interest to many people. (Ok that’s my own “10 tips…”)! :)
Otterly agree! I With comments here. And marvel at that dream. May the otters remain with you Ros - and the power to dream and write with such joy, honesty and passion.
When things are so bad that you don’t bother to watch the news, and leaf listlessly through the stories in the paper or on your phone, it is consoling, it is necessary, to write stories in which things get better. The one space where we have unfettered control is in our heads. That’s where we have to keep hope alive.
Exactly this. Writers have done enough to create the dystopian future that is now our present and I feel it is our duty now to imagine a better world we can all start inhabiting. From your comment, I feel you might have something valuable to contribute on whether I change the name of this Substack next year, which I have been contemplating for a couple of months. I hope you'll weigh in on that when I explain it in a post in the next week or two.
Catherine, such lovely words, but what are we to do except embrace being unflinchingly alive? I think it possibly helps that more than once, I have seriously considered an early exit. Because then I have chosen life very actively. How I do it is no trade secret: every day I try to clear out a bit more of the debris that is getting in the way of being a better human.
You have a resilient, inventive attitude to life and its challenges. I value that, as I do your writing about it. Thanks for your openness and inspiration.
Thank *you*, Wendy, for coming back again and again to read and to comment. I love the connection we've made through our respective memoirs. I think there is nothing I like so much in the world as for someone to say I have in some way inspired them. Words are great tools for that. And the openness? Well, I seemingly just can't help it, so no credit due there at all :-).
I needed to read this today and that's why I love your work. It's not so much that I identify with your specific experiences as I am inspired by your ability to learn and move forward from them. I need to do the same. It's nice to read that oh yes, it can be done. So thank you for this.
That's such a wonderful thing to hear, Deirdre; thank you for telling me. You've encapsulated what I hope to do with these posts. It has been such a long journey for me to find out exactly how to move on from difficult experiences, as I was very much a stuck person for a very long time. And having found some freedom from that bogged-down kind of life, it seemed important to share in case others found it helpful.
"you can reframe all these things as an opportunity" - as they say, god doesn't give you more than you can handle. As I say, sometimes, I think god overestimates my abilities. I could live without yet another "growth opportunity."
I get it. The leap of faith is still in blind leap. It's terrifying. And often the best option. I voted for otters. Go with the otters. Especially the otters holding hands with other otters while floating on their backs. I believe in you.
Why do I subscribe? Nothing specific. It feels like I know you, I appreciate your bluntness and humor and bravery.
Haha, me too Jodi, these "growth opportunities" could maybe give it a break for a little while so I can catch up! Bluntness, humour and bravery are a very fine set of nouns - blunt is particularly funny because one of my kids said to me once, "I'm like you, mum, blunt but sharp". I love the otters holding hands floating on their backs; the best.
What a completely fabulous coincidence! Thank you for the three words 'entertain, educate, and inspire'. Exactly what I hope to do. I cannnot claim them for myself for the short description, because people would think I was a knob (to use British slang) but I shall try to bring that essence forward in my attempts at rewriting it. I love your work, as you know, and have recently followed up that love with a recommendation.
I know what you mean. I'm always on guard against sounding like a knob when I have to write a self-description of any kind. Thank you so much for the compliment and the recommendation! It really means a lot.
Oh, I so know this feeling. When the mess just keeps getting deeper and more overwhelming. And you slowly have to chip your way out, and sometimes sink even deeper as you do.
But no hard time lasts forever. And maybe the hard times are how life shows us that it’s time to go, or turn, or move in some other way. It sounds like you are already moving in that direction and things will begin to get easier!
Haha, loved this otterly enjoyable jaunt. Right before I read your post, I had just ordered my daughter (a new mom) some otter-decorated pajamas that say "I'm otterly exhausted"!
I loved your dream, very positive. As a child, otters were always my favorite part of visiting our local aquarium. And I must say, orcas are absolutely amazing creatures! For the record, only certain species of orca will eat other mammals, and some will attack sharks, but that is a story for another time... I otter be finishing something else right now.
Hooray for your otter puns! And a nice coincidence about the PJs. I think I was traumatised by a David Attenborough programme years ago where an Orca was playing with its food (a seal) and tossing it into the air! It was quite a shock after ‘Free Willy’. But I orca be getting on with other things myself.
I'm SO grateful you invited me to read this piece, and WOW, I was sobbing, laughing, giggling, and feeling all the feels in this gorgeously written, incredibly courageous letter. What blew my mind was how many similarities we've had this year! My husband and I were named defendants in a civil suit and it shocked the bejeezus out of me as I'm a former federal officer. Sitting on the other side of the courtroom taught me so much. I was able to see and feel just how much injustice defendants can really experience---how they're not truly listened to or considered simply because the word "defendant" appears before their name. And, OMG, you love EFT Tapping! Yay! I'm so grateful, you, too, have this practice and tool in place <3 Your hubby is a real treat looking up the spiritual meaning of otters---bless his cotton socks. I hope this situation has subsided, more otters come to pay you a visit in your dreams (and in waking life!) and that more peace, play, ease and gentleness come your way in 2025.
Love, it, Laurie, what an extraordinary number of connections between us! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it. May your 2025 also be flowing with goodness!
I read your stack, Ros, because there are so many things I can relate to in it. Perhaps it's as simple as us having similar levels of insecurity and neglect in our backgrounds, and now a similar outlook on life (my back-up is to sell the house and buy a mobile home by the sea, and live my days in whatever's left from the house-sale, it's very reassuring as only three years ago we didn't even have a house to sell). But I have a feeling it's more than that, I have a feeling that your truth touches many.
Thank you, Lisa. I really appreciate your words. I hope you don't have to sell your house unless you actually want to; my plan to rent mine out as a back up is so I get to keep it, long-term.
So many more people have neglect and insecurity in their backgrounds than is generally acknowledged and that is why, I suppose, I am writing about it so openly. We cannot heal what we cannot see.
You know, I think I really needed to read this, this morning. Thank you so much. And the approach to the new adventure is priceless. I think this might live in my head for a while, it's quite welcome to.
The details, the cup of tea in the sun, the otter dream, the fear of lack, the complex relationship with change, the honesty, sharing the journey. Thank you.
I absolutely love otters. There is a wonderful story about St Cuthburt (Cuddy to his friends in the North East) who retired to live a solitary lif on the Inner Farne, developing the habit of praying all night while standing in the sea. That’s no easy feat in the chilly North Sea, and it is said that such was his affinity with wild creatures that otters came and warmed his feet. I hope that helps. I also wanted to say two things - I’m so glad the court case is settled, your husband sounds awesome, and the thing which originally drew me to your Substack was the searing honesty with which you described your first marriage. Sorry, that’s three things. What the heck.
Thank you, Miranda. I love the story about Cuddy's foot-warming otters! Yes, I made a better decision the second time around, my husband is stalwart supporter and best friend. It's so good to have you as a reader.
Honestly, I love your Substack because I love your voice and its honesty. And I relate so much to the struggles and joys of the path you’ve chosen. I don’t read it because I think I’ll discover 10 Tips to Becoming a Best-Seller or anything like that. I just feel, when I read your posts, that we’re all just staggering through this ridiculous shit-show, with its moments of otter sublimity, together.
Thank you, Christine. I definitely can't give you tip on becoming a best-seller but I love that you find a sense of community and connection here.
Ros- I think you should write a memoir. The tapping book and your stories here are amazingly engrossing. Raw, human, tragi-comic -and always soldiering on towards the light. I think you would have many readers. Plus- the bracing reality of how writers put a life together is of deep interest to many people. (Ok that’s my own “10 tips…”)! :)
Agreed!
Otterly agree! I With comments here. And marvel at that dream. May the otters remain with you Ros - and the power to dream and write with such joy, honesty and passion.
Thank you for the otter pun, Pepe! I share your hopes for me :-)
When things are so bad that you don’t bother to watch the news, and leaf listlessly through the stories in the paper or on your phone, it is consoling, it is necessary, to write stories in which things get better. The one space where we have unfettered control is in our heads. That’s where we have to keep hope alive.
Exactly this. Writers have done enough to create the dystopian future that is now our present and I feel it is our duty now to imagine a better world we can all start inhabiting. From your comment, I feel you might have something valuable to contribute on whether I change the name of this Substack next year, which I have been contemplating for a couple of months. I hope you'll weigh in on that when I explain it in a post in the next week or two.
You asked why (we) I subscribed and read what you write as soon as I have time?
Because it makes me laugh and think, and above all marvel at how unflinchingly alive you are, through all the troubles you are going through.
Admiration at your spunk, talent, freedom, humour.
Bloody hell, how do you do it?
Catherine, such lovely words, but what are we to do except embrace being unflinchingly alive? I think it possibly helps that more than once, I have seriously considered an early exit. Because then I have chosen life very actively. How I do it is no trade secret: every day I try to clear out a bit more of the debris that is getting in the way of being a better human.
What a vivid dream, Ros.
You have a resilient, inventive attitude to life and its challenges. I value that, as I do your writing about it. Thanks for your openness and inspiration.
Thank *you*, Wendy, for coming back again and again to read and to comment. I love the connection we've made through our respective memoirs. I think there is nothing I like so much in the world as for someone to say I have in some way inspired them. Words are great tools for that. And the openness? Well, I seemingly just can't help it, so no credit due there at all :-).
I needed to read this today and that's why I love your work. It's not so much that I identify with your specific experiences as I am inspired by your ability to learn and move forward from them. I need to do the same. It's nice to read that oh yes, it can be done. So thank you for this.
That's such a wonderful thing to hear, Deirdre; thank you for telling me. You've encapsulated what I hope to do with these posts. It has been such a long journey for me to find out exactly how to move on from difficult experiences, as I was very much a stuck person for a very long time. And having found some freedom from that bogged-down kind of life, it seemed important to share in case others found it helpful.
"you can reframe all these things as an opportunity" - as they say, god doesn't give you more than you can handle. As I say, sometimes, I think god overestimates my abilities. I could live without yet another "growth opportunity."
I get it. The leap of faith is still in blind leap. It's terrifying. And often the best option. I voted for otters. Go with the otters. Especially the otters holding hands with other otters while floating on their backs. I believe in you.
Why do I subscribe? Nothing specific. It feels like I know you, I appreciate your bluntness and humor and bravery.
Haha, me too Jodi, these "growth opportunities" could maybe give it a break for a little while so I can catch up! Bluntness, humour and bravery are a very fine set of nouns - blunt is particularly funny because one of my kids said to me once, "I'm like you, mum, blunt but sharp". I love the otters holding hands floating on their backs; the best.
I subscribe, Ros, because you always entertain, educate, and inspire. I loved this piece. My nickname in college was Otter, so I may be biased.
What a completely fabulous coincidence! Thank you for the three words 'entertain, educate, and inspire'. Exactly what I hope to do. I cannnot claim them for myself for the short description, because people would think I was a knob (to use British slang) but I shall try to bring that essence forward in my attempts at rewriting it. I love your work, as you know, and have recently followed up that love with a recommendation.
I know what you mean. I'm always on guard against sounding like a knob when I have to write a self-description of any kind. Thank you so much for the compliment and the recommendation! It really means a lot.
Fear not, the otters are coming would make a GREAT t-shirt. Definitely get some merch going! Good luck with making changes, too.
Thank you, Georgina. I am now looking for appropriate artwork!
Oh, I so know this feeling. When the mess just keeps getting deeper and more overwhelming. And you slowly have to chip your way out, and sometimes sink even deeper as you do.
But no hard time lasts forever. And maybe the hard times are how life shows us that it’s time to go, or turn, or move in some other way. It sounds like you are already moving in that direction and things will begin to get easier!
Haha, loved this otterly enjoyable jaunt. Right before I read your post, I had just ordered my daughter (a new mom) some otter-decorated pajamas that say "I'm otterly exhausted"!
I loved your dream, very positive. As a child, otters were always my favorite part of visiting our local aquarium. And I must say, orcas are absolutely amazing creatures! For the record, only certain species of orca will eat other mammals, and some will attack sharks, but that is a story for another time... I otter be finishing something else right now.
Hooray for your otter puns! And a nice coincidence about the PJs. I think I was traumatised by a David Attenborough programme years ago where an Orca was playing with its food (a seal) and tossing it into the air! It was quite a shock after ‘Free Willy’. But I orca be getting on with other things myself.
I'm SO grateful you invited me to read this piece, and WOW, I was sobbing, laughing, giggling, and feeling all the feels in this gorgeously written, incredibly courageous letter. What blew my mind was how many similarities we've had this year! My husband and I were named defendants in a civil suit and it shocked the bejeezus out of me as I'm a former federal officer. Sitting on the other side of the courtroom taught me so much. I was able to see and feel just how much injustice defendants can really experience---how they're not truly listened to or considered simply because the word "defendant" appears before their name. And, OMG, you love EFT Tapping! Yay! I'm so grateful, you, too, have this practice and tool in place <3 Your hubby is a real treat looking up the spiritual meaning of otters---bless his cotton socks. I hope this situation has subsided, more otters come to pay you a visit in your dreams (and in waking life!) and that more peace, play, ease and gentleness come your way in 2025.
Love, it, Laurie, what an extraordinary number of connections between us! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it. May your 2025 also be flowing with goodness!
I read your stack, Ros, because there are so many things I can relate to in it. Perhaps it's as simple as us having similar levels of insecurity and neglect in our backgrounds, and now a similar outlook on life (my back-up is to sell the house and buy a mobile home by the sea, and live my days in whatever's left from the house-sale, it's very reassuring as only three years ago we didn't even have a house to sell). But I have a feeling it's more than that, I have a feeling that your truth touches many.
Thank you, Lisa. I really appreciate your words. I hope you don't have to sell your house unless you actually want to; my plan to rent mine out as a back up is so I get to keep it, long-term.
So many more people have neglect and insecurity in their backgrounds than is generally acknowledged and that is why, I suppose, I am writing about it so openly. We cannot heal what we cannot see.
You know, I think I really needed to read this, this morning. Thank you so much. And the approach to the new adventure is priceless. I think this might live in my head for a while, it's quite welcome to.
Ah, thank you Jon. May it live in your head for as long as its helpful. I'm glad it landed in your consciousness at the perfect moment.
The details, the cup of tea in the sun, the otter dream, the fear of lack, the complex relationship with change, the honesty, sharing the journey. Thank you.
Thank you, Christiana.
I absolutely love otters. There is a wonderful story about St Cuthburt (Cuddy to his friends in the North East) who retired to live a solitary lif on the Inner Farne, developing the habit of praying all night while standing in the sea. That’s no easy feat in the chilly North Sea, and it is said that such was his affinity with wild creatures that otters came and warmed his feet. I hope that helps. I also wanted to say two things - I’m so glad the court case is settled, your husband sounds awesome, and the thing which originally drew me to your Substack was the searing honesty with which you described your first marriage. Sorry, that’s three things. What the heck.
Thank you, Miranda. I love the story about Cuddy's foot-warming otters! Yes, I made a better decision the second time around, my husband is stalwart supporter and best friend. It's so good to have you as a reader.
Thanks for the entertaining and enlightening otters.
Your substack gives me a sense of companionship, put into words that elude me.
I am always grateful for your writings and am cheered to see one waiting in my inbox.
With thanks.
That's a lovely thing to say, Odet. I really like that idea of companionship, and I love that their presence in your inbox cheers you.