During the brief time I embraced catholicism (somewhere between the dawning of the age of reason and the age of fifteen when I actually did reason), I was often haunted by the image of a painting: "The Lord turned and looked at Peter" (Herbert Beecroft, 1927).
I mention this because since she died in 2013, I enjoyed much the same (imagined) look from my Mother on several occasions when I was, er Doing Something She Disapproved Of. This included ending a sentence with a preposition, given that Mother had once been a teacher of English.
But some years before that, I sat on a garden swing, late on a summer's evening, Chateau Goodenough in hand, asking the spirit of my Father (d 1979) why he wasn't sending me a sign for what to do next. The answer came through so clearly that I dropped the glass. Well, almost.
"How many bloody signs do you want, old boy? You're just not looking."
I’d wager that you’re familiar with the expression “birds before land.” In your case, it was a literal bird. I do look for signs. I still sometimes question whether what appears to me to be a very clear sign is actually that, or merely wishful thinking. But I’m getting better at going with my gut and accepting the gift.
Me too, Chris. I had a few experiences where I ignored my gut and then had the full manifestation that the sign had been winking to me about (a couple of times, quite unpleasant things I could have avoided), so after that, I made a commitment to go along with things that feel like signs, and also subtle little nudges, that sensation that something is "off", even if I'm not quite clear on the message. I write them down in a notebook. That makes it particularly interesting when the outcome arrives, and I can read the sign in retrospect. Sometimes it makes me laugh it's so pointed.
“My dog can’t even read.” Love everything about this, Ros. I sometimes think signs are always coming and I’m usually too oblivious to notice. But when I’m relaxed or undefended, something will catch me up. My parents, who died within 8 months of each other, sometimes visit me as a pair of butterflies. Usually yellow swallowtails. The world is a marvelous mystery.
Thank you, Julie, and thanks for sharing your own experiences of this beautiful mystery, this web of energetic interconnectedness. I love your butterfly parents.
Eighteen months ago, I read the first book of a planned trilogy that featured a seriously ballsy, female protagonist. It's brilliant and bold and, as I called it in the title of my Amazon review, "a marvelous work and a wonder." That I won't have the opportunity to read the rest of your captivating story, Ros, makes this one sad, sad day. Nevertheless, I love your writing and will continue to support it in any way I can.
I can't know what it feels like to set aside your career as a novelist, a career that has consumed so much of your life since you began work on "The Marlowe Papers." I can only empathize with how much it has meant to you.
I am approaching a similar point in my writing career; my time as a columnist, critic, and commentator is winding down. I've decided that in May, I will be stepping away from the weekly publication I resurrected decades ago and to which I have contributed ever since. And I have mixed feelings about it.
I've never looked for signs... perhaps because they've seemed insistent upon making me aware of them. And some of those signs have been a catalyst in producing the metaphysical experiences that have been a part of my makeup from a young age.
Well... don't give up on my novelist career just yet, John. I was honest about this "giving up" feeling, but that big kick up the arse that felt it was from my brother could not be ignored. "Quitter" was a goading, and it means I can't. Signs from him often come through electronic devices, my phone in particular. Which is fitting because he had landed an apprenticeship at Marconi (as an electrical engineer) just before his cancer diagnosis. I will pick myself up from the dust and write another novel in due course. And that ballsy female protagonist? I don't think you've seen the back of her. You might just have to make sure you hang around for at least a couple of years.
I'm doing my level best to hang around, Ros. My wife, who loved your ballsy female protagonist enough that she was planning to recommend the volume to her book club as an upcoming selection, is herself a ballsy female and always has been. Her 19-year-old self was not sold on the idea of marriage when I proposed it, but I convinced her that it would not hinder who she is or who she would become in any way. And after 53 years together, she's still that woman (much to my delight)!
Good on you. Actually exceptional, because there were plenty of men 53 years ago who would hinder their wives as a matter of course. To be honest, the proportion is still horribly high even today! Things are truly shifting, with the pin pulled. Real things happening, and all at once. So keep doing your best, John. x
I had a similar selfish reaction! I can’t bear to think that we won’t get to read any more of this amazing story - the first was genuinely one of my favourite books of the last couple of decades 😭. Ros please keep it in a drawer somewhere in case the world changes
I love that you did, Donna. Well, we won't give up on it. It will get out there somehow... it just might take a while. Maybe a miracle is around the corner, or maybe I have to write a different novel first. But in the meantime, I keep moving towards the magic 10,000 Subscribers that apparently publishers pay attention to. Just 7,000 to go! 🤣
This was definitely worth the extra time on the hob 😊 Thank you Ros. Wow there is so much in this piece all very important. I don't know which part to choose, but yes I do believe in signs. I don't think everything is a sign but our intution knows, our gut, it's a different type of strong feeling as you have plenty experience of. It's also so great how much you love and value your daughter. I'm so proud of you Ros, and once again thank you for your honest vulnerability as well as your determination. I also really like your strict no nonsense part in the 'Over To You' at the end of each write😉
😉😂 I look forward to hearing/reading about those experiences if you feel to write it! Yes I did enjoy reading it Ros😊Have a blessed week you beautiful person🤗
Enjoyed this, Ros. That notion of letting go of something you want too much is really powerful.
The trimphone crow made me smile.
I've seen red squirrels in my garden for the first time this year. I don't think they're my my mum, but I know how delighted she'd be to know they're there, so I find myself watching them on her behalf! Same with the birds.
I haven't had a bird talk to me, but a couple of years ago after a close friend died, his former lover received visits from a small bird over several weeks. The bird would fly in (a window without a screen), perch here and there, day after day.
Come to think of it, last Spring, a mockingbird perched every morning for weeks on a pole opposite our window. We called him Micky (the sounds he mocked were all alliterative, so...).
I love that you do, Bill. I think there is something of an awakening going on. More and more people are talking about this stuff. I mean, okay, it's still fringe, but on Substack, I feel quite a community building. And the more we talk about it from a grounded place, the easier it is for others to begin to contemplate that there might be something in it.
I believe people are thirsty for something to believe in. Writers have a unique gift - to be able to immerse a reader in the life of someone else who may be going through similar things as they are. Art can take us to other worlds and deep into private places, but words have greater power. They weave a world around you and hold you close. I feel blessed to be around so much of that talent.
Love this post, Ros. I am so glad I found you here on Substack, and I always feel soothed and inspired by your writing.
As for the birds... I have a lifelong fear of them. Last summer, my husband and I saw a bald eagle perched high up in a 100-year-old tree in the backyard of his family home on Long Island, NY. They are rare, so a sighting is very unusual. Even so, I thought it was terrifying (my husband called it "majestic"). Around Christmastime, we noticed it had built a nest, and there were two of them (male and female). Next time we go, that nest will be full of eaglets.
I don't know if this is a sign or what to make of it (because of my fear), but I do know that a whole family of bald eagles living in a tree visible from a bedroom window is a once-in-a-lifetime sort of thing!
Wow, that is an extraordinary thing to have happen right where you can see it. I'm very interested in the symbolic nature of that, given your fear. We have to work out our personal symbology because it is so specific to us, but the location will have some significance. Birds of prey are naturally quite a lot scarier than other birds (and eagles are huge) and there is the fact it is a US symbol to take into consideration, but "Fears coming home to roost" is one phrase that springs to mind.
I love Donna Tartt's work. If it's any consolation I think you're a better writer. Perhaps the way forward lies in a slight alteration of medium. Who reads novels anymore? My angry teen stepdaughter is very proud of the fact that she doesn't read. Oy. Unsolicited mansplain advice- you've got to be so careful, as you explain with the story about your big advance. I haven't been able to read a novel for a couple of years now. I am entranced by streaming series on Nflix, Hooloo, Paramount. Film, but it seems to be dying. Tartt had a film made of one of her books and was so pissed off she disowned it and said she'd never agree to another. As an astrologer for years and years, I put together a chart for you using Jan 12th. So many planets have progressed into Pisces. And it looks like you're due finally for some massive good fortune, even if I'm off a bit on the birthday. Thx for making my Saturday. Birds just seem to wand to attack me, except for the occasional Cardinal. Those are my good omens
Thanks Carl. Success in these things is rarely about who is the better writer. But when you ask "Who reads novels anymore?" I can answer very easily: me, my daughter, her wife, my husband. Novel readers still exist. They might be fewer than in years gone by but my no means extinct. Some novels still sell in the hundreds of thousands, even millions. And we also know that novels are fodder for the film and TV industry though as you say that is struggling too.
We write what we write. I will continue to write novels, because that is the form of the stories that come to me. Other people are screenwriters; frankly an even more difficult industry to succeed in and hugely reliant on getting a whole bunch of people to back you (much more so than with literature), massive of funding (ditto), attaching stars to projects etc. I know a tiny bit about it having been contracted by Disney (briefly) back in 2020. I'll stick with what I do well and trust in a change in the weather, now that I have (subsequent post) removed my rusty pull-pin.
I was born in Jan so I don't expect your chart is too accurate! I wish you more cardinals.
I have you at Jan 12, based on clues you've left in your posts. I look at your Progressed Chart. So if I'm off by a few days it would still be pretty close in terms of prediction. 2 big eclipses are coming in March, a fateful month. Take it easy around the 13th especially.
Thanks for responding, I meant it as an honest question, not as any criticism. I do think that streaming series are becoming a primary art form for the age. I'm still reeling from things like 'Ozark'. Really astonishing. 'The Gentlemen' was quite good, more recently, on your side of the ocean. I could see you writing one of these and it would be a doozy.
But I stand by my reading. By May you will see major positive change
No, not Jan 12th. I don’t really want to give it out publicly if I can help it! I celebrate every year on June 12th, a date I chose because January is a terrible month to celebrate in, but I am an Aquarian.
I hear you. Hmmm well I will have to adjust. Pluto is now in your sign. Hoping early Aquarius so that the worst is past. Power struggles. Enough said, sorry 😞 😔 😟
During the brief time I embraced catholicism (somewhere between the dawning of the age of reason and the age of fifteen when I actually did reason), I was often haunted by the image of a painting: "The Lord turned and looked at Peter" (Herbert Beecroft, 1927).
I mention this because since she died in 2013, I enjoyed much the same (imagined) look from my Mother on several occasions when I was, er Doing Something She Disapproved Of. This included ending a sentence with a preposition, given that Mother had once been a teacher of English.
But some years before that, I sat on a garden swing, late on a summer's evening, Chateau Goodenough in hand, asking the spirit of my Father (d 1979) why he wasn't sending me a sign for what to do next. The answer came through so clearly that I dropped the glass. Well, almost.
"How many bloody signs do you want, old boy? You're just not looking."
Ha! Love this, Matthew.
I’d wager that you’re familiar with the expression “birds before land.” In your case, it was a literal bird. I do look for signs. I still sometimes question whether what appears to me to be a very clear sign is actually that, or merely wishful thinking. But I’m getting better at going with my gut and accepting the gift.
Me too, Chris. I had a few experiences where I ignored my gut and then had the full manifestation that the sign had been winking to me about (a couple of times, quite unpleasant things I could have avoided), so after that, I made a commitment to go along with things that feel like signs, and also subtle little nudges, that sensation that something is "off", even if I'm not quite clear on the message. I write them down in a notebook. That makes it particularly interesting when the outcome arrives, and I can read the sign in retrospect. Sometimes it makes me laugh it's so pointed.
“My dog can’t even read.” Love everything about this, Ros. I sometimes think signs are always coming and I’m usually too oblivious to notice. But when I’m relaxed or undefended, something will catch me up. My parents, who died within 8 months of each other, sometimes visit me as a pair of butterflies. Usually yellow swallowtails. The world is a marvelous mystery.
Thank you, Julie, and thanks for sharing your own experiences of this beautiful mystery, this web of energetic interconnectedness. I love your butterfly parents.
Eighteen months ago, I read the first book of a planned trilogy that featured a seriously ballsy, female protagonist. It's brilliant and bold and, as I called it in the title of my Amazon review, "a marvelous work and a wonder." That I won't have the opportunity to read the rest of your captivating story, Ros, makes this one sad, sad day. Nevertheless, I love your writing and will continue to support it in any way I can.
I can't know what it feels like to set aside your career as a novelist, a career that has consumed so much of your life since you began work on "The Marlowe Papers." I can only empathize with how much it has meant to you.
I am approaching a similar point in my writing career; my time as a columnist, critic, and commentator is winding down. I've decided that in May, I will be stepping away from the weekly publication I resurrected decades ago and to which I have contributed ever since. And I have mixed feelings about it.
I've never looked for signs... perhaps because they've seemed insistent upon making me aware of them. And some of those signs have been a catalyst in producing the metaphysical experiences that have been a part of my makeup from a young age.
Well... don't give up on my novelist career just yet, John. I was honest about this "giving up" feeling, but that big kick up the arse that felt it was from my brother could not be ignored. "Quitter" was a goading, and it means I can't. Signs from him often come through electronic devices, my phone in particular. Which is fitting because he had landed an apprenticeship at Marconi (as an electrical engineer) just before his cancer diagnosis. I will pick myself up from the dust and write another novel in due course. And that ballsy female protagonist? I don't think you've seen the back of her. You might just have to make sure you hang around for at least a couple of years.
I'm doing my level best to hang around, Ros. My wife, who loved your ballsy female protagonist enough that she was planning to recommend the volume to her book club as an upcoming selection, is herself a ballsy female and always has been. Her 19-year-old self was not sold on the idea of marriage when I proposed it, but I convinced her that it would not hinder who she is or who she would become in any way. And after 53 years together, she's still that woman (much to my delight)!
Good on you. Actually exceptional, because there were plenty of men 53 years ago who would hinder their wives as a matter of course. To be honest, the proportion is still horribly high even today! Things are truly shifting, with the pin pulled. Real things happening, and all at once. So keep doing your best, John. x
I had a similar selfish reaction! I can’t bear to think that we won’t get to read any more of this amazing story - the first was genuinely one of my favourite books of the last couple of decades 😭. Ros please keep it in a drawer somewhere in case the world changes
I love that you did, Donna. Well, we won't give up on it. It will get out there somehow... it just might take a while. Maybe a miracle is around the corner, or maybe I have to write a different novel first. But in the meantime, I keep moving towards the magic 10,000 Subscribers that apparently publishers pay attention to. Just 7,000 to go! 🤣
This was definitely worth the extra time on the hob 😊 Thank you Ros. Wow there is so much in this piece all very important. I don't know which part to choose, but yes I do believe in signs. I don't think everything is a sign but our intution knows, our gut, it's a different type of strong feeling as you have plenty experience of. It's also so great how much you love and value your daughter. I'm so proud of you Ros, and once again thank you for your honest vulnerability as well as your determination. I also really like your strict no nonsense part in the 'Over To You' at the end of each write😉
Haha! Strict no nonsense reminds me of my school teacher mother and grandmother! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, Rebecca.
😉😂 I look forward to hearing/reading about those experiences if you feel to write it! Yes I did enjoy reading it Ros😊Have a blessed week you beautiful person🤗
Your piece. A Big Fat Sign. Containing 4 sub signs. I really appreciated it. Thank you for it.
Thank you, Charlie. Happy to help.
Enjoyed this, Ros. That notion of letting go of something you want too much is really powerful.
The trimphone crow made me smile.
I've seen red squirrels in my garden for the first time this year. I don't think they're my my mum, but I know how delighted she'd be to know they're there, so I find myself watching them on her behalf! Same with the birds.
Thank you, Wendy. Again and again, I have to let go of the desperation (the lack) and just allow things to unfold in their own sweet time!
I haven't had a bird talk to me, but a couple of years ago after a close friend died, his former lover received visits from a small bird over several weeks. The bird would fly in (a window without a screen), perch here and there, day after day.
Come to think of it, last Spring, a mockingbird perched every morning for weeks on a pole opposite our window. We called him Micky (the sounds he mocked were all alliterative, so...).
May the song be with you.
Thank you, Kevin. And thank you for contributing your bird tales.
I think we need people to believe in signs again. I have birds and visits from family members in my novel. Thanks for this.
I love that you do, Bill. I think there is something of an awakening going on. More and more people are talking about this stuff. I mean, okay, it's still fringe, but on Substack, I feel quite a community building. And the more we talk about it from a grounded place, the easier it is for others to begin to contemplate that there might be something in it.
I believe people are thirsty for something to believe in. Writers have a unique gift - to be able to immerse a reader in the life of someone else who may be going through similar things as they are. Art can take us to other worlds and deep into private places, but words have greater power. They weave a world around you and hold you close. I feel blessed to be around so much of that talent.
Love this post, Ros. I am so glad I found you here on Substack, and I always feel soothed and inspired by your writing.
As for the birds... I have a lifelong fear of them. Last summer, my husband and I saw a bald eagle perched high up in a 100-year-old tree in the backyard of his family home on Long Island, NY. They are rare, so a sighting is very unusual. Even so, I thought it was terrifying (my husband called it "majestic"). Around Christmastime, we noticed it had built a nest, and there were two of them (male and female). Next time we go, that nest will be full of eaglets.
I don't know if this is a sign or what to make of it (because of my fear), but I do know that a whole family of bald eagles living in a tree visible from a bedroom window is a once-in-a-lifetime sort of thing!
So lovely of you to say so Petra.
Wow, that is an extraordinary thing to have happen right where you can see it. I'm very interested in the symbolic nature of that, given your fear. We have to work out our personal symbology because it is so specific to us, but the location will have some significance. Birds of prey are naturally quite a lot scarier than other birds (and eagles are huge) and there is the fact it is a US symbol to take into consideration, but "Fears coming home to roost" is one phrase that springs to mind.
Feeling encouraged by reading this; I’d love to speak crow, but I can mimic a trim-phone so there’s hope 🦋
Haha, can you, Odet? What a skill!
So many of your experiences resonate with mine. 🩷
I like that, Ruth.
I love Donna Tartt's work. If it's any consolation I think you're a better writer. Perhaps the way forward lies in a slight alteration of medium. Who reads novels anymore? My angry teen stepdaughter is very proud of the fact that she doesn't read. Oy. Unsolicited mansplain advice- you've got to be so careful, as you explain with the story about your big advance. I haven't been able to read a novel for a couple of years now. I am entranced by streaming series on Nflix, Hooloo, Paramount. Film, but it seems to be dying. Tartt had a film made of one of her books and was so pissed off she disowned it and said she'd never agree to another. As an astrologer for years and years, I put together a chart for you using Jan 12th. So many planets have progressed into Pisces. And it looks like you're due finally for some massive good fortune, even if I'm off a bit on the birthday. Thx for making my Saturday. Birds just seem to wand to attack me, except for the occasional Cardinal. Those are my good omens
Thanks Carl. Success in these things is rarely about who is the better writer. But when you ask "Who reads novels anymore?" I can answer very easily: me, my daughter, her wife, my husband. Novel readers still exist. They might be fewer than in years gone by but my no means extinct. Some novels still sell in the hundreds of thousands, even millions. And we also know that novels are fodder for the film and TV industry though as you say that is struggling too.
We write what we write. I will continue to write novels, because that is the form of the stories that come to me. Other people are screenwriters; frankly an even more difficult industry to succeed in and hugely reliant on getting a whole bunch of people to back you (much more so than with literature), massive of funding (ditto), attaching stars to projects etc. I know a tiny bit about it having been contracted by Disney (briefly) back in 2020. I'll stick with what I do well and trust in a change in the weather, now that I have (subsequent post) removed my rusty pull-pin.
I was born in Jan so I don't expect your chart is too accurate! I wish you more cardinals.
I have you at Jan 12, based on clues you've left in your posts. I look at your Progressed Chart. So if I'm off by a few days it would still be pretty close in terms of prediction. 2 big eclipses are coming in March, a fateful month. Take it easy around the 13th especially.
Thanks for responding, I meant it as an honest question, not as any criticism. I do think that streaming series are becoming a primary art form for the age. I'm still reeling from things like 'Ozark'. Really astonishing. 'The Gentlemen' was quite good, more recently, on your side of the ocean. I could see you writing one of these and it would be a doozy.
But I stand by my reading. By May you will see major positive change
No, not Jan 12th. I don’t really want to give it out publicly if I can help it! I celebrate every year on June 12th, a date I chose because January is a terrible month to celebrate in, but I am an Aquarian.
I hear you. Hmmm well I will have to adjust. Pluto is now in your sign. Hoping early Aquarius so that the worst is past. Power struggles. Enough said, sorry 😞 😔 😟