I went to see Shelagh Delaney’s Taste of Honey at the Royal Exchange in Manchester a few months back. It ripped me apart and laid me bare; I was sitting next to my husband, who’d never really got what was wrong enough to have sent me into therapy, and I was seeing my mother’s neglect and emotional dysregulation made flesh. If I’d known that would happen, I’d. have stayed away. But that night we talked in a way we never had before. “I never realised before how much your childhood damaged you,” he said. He’s followed through on that since with some significant changes in attitude and behaviour.
Vestibular disorders (symptoms of dizziness both central and peripheral in origin) can cause a ton of anxiety and one of the number one things advised in coping is to NOT avoid triggers. Or at least, limit triggers but challenge yourself daily to at least one. The reason being that the brain will never learn how to feel “safe” in the midst of symptoms if we are in constant avoidance mode. And the anxiety only perpetuates and exacerbates dizziness so we’re doing ourselves more harm avoiding triggers than letting them roll in, even if they make us feel worse initially. Just thought I’d share this because it’s a very physical manifestation of what you’re speaking about!
Expirenced dizziness drowsiness yesterday after euthanasiang my Roxy a lay down with the rest of them helped,been reassured my oldest bitch rushed towards me and thanked me, letting me know that she was thankful for the task I had too undertake, the remaining pack the other four came in examination of Roxy, wagged there tails all surrounding me and thanking me.Me what love they give me and guidance all my Dog's in my life have I have lost count of the time's they have been there for me and saved my life.After the passing of my soulmate I had a metallic taste in my mouth,I couldn't lift my feet for years, walking across the hottest sharpest ground I couldn't get the pain to leave me, the healing came from nature, observation of all around me as far away as I could get from people, living in the forest and the Nullarbor here in Western Australian outback.When I would return to be amongst others I started to meet people who had been through what I had having a loved one taken in horrendous situation by the hand of another person,my heart goes out to those experiences people are going through right now across the globe, senseless murder of Mother's and of there Children and of there partners the Father's and of so many around.Inderniably and profusely this is affecting every one.So now we are once again all speaking the same tongues through this platform and others all over the Beutiful Planet Earth our Mother we all are ONE right here right now.Through our means of been able to interact and interpret each other's language let's do this and show each other's lives and journey.Who ever you are where ever you may be understand this you have brightened up someone's day without even knowing that.Someone might have seen you walking down the street there memorie going back to a pleasant time and place.You are loved no matter who you are never forget that,so lets bring this all together and start work on this. We the love generation by Bob Sinclair Please watch this it's on you tube. Love is the key. Regards Sean the beeman Western Australia
This is a better perspective to look at our triggers. How long can we keep running away from them? In the end we are left exhausted and become tiresome to be ourselves for the people who love us. Accepting and mining through our triggers makes us courageous. Triggers may not disappear but we will know how to deal with them when they appear. Thanks for this beautiful piece on triggers.
I believe this also happens with introverts and HSPs who avoid stimulating environments. The more quiet, unstimulating, "safe" environments we keep our selves in, the less our nervous systems are able to handle. I've been slowly working on acclimating my nervous system back to into life.
Thanks for writing this piece, Ros. Yes, we had a lot of freedom growing up in the fifties and sixties. When I was seven years old, my mother let me and my friend Billy take the bus downtown to the movies--by ourselves. We enjoyed the show and made it back without incident.
Yes, mothers would tell the kids to go play outside, and we did. We entertained ourselves with games and sports, sitting around trying to decide what to do, and exploring. Sometimes we explored forbidden things. Some of that behavior had a deep and lasting effect on me. I don't blame anyone, certainly not my mother. I hid that part of me for forty-five years. When it came to light, it almost cost me my marriage, but it didn't. It set me on a spiritual path for twenty years and counting. My experience caused my wife to examine herself. She found she had some things to work on and joined me on the spiritual path. We live consciously and know when we've been triggered. We use the tools we have learned to deal with it.
All this worry about triggering someone just makes us a society of co-dependents, doesn't it?
Absolutely. And I too value many of the freedoms I had in childhood that I couldn’t give to my kids unless we were camping (in what felt like an enclosed, safe, car-free environment).
I loved that we could just hang out with your friends, like you describe.
The problem for me was much more about the dysfunctional family I grew up in, which set me on a path of suffering for quite a few years. But that messy childhood was the starting point for spiritual growth that I wouldn’t swap for the world.
Thank you again for your lovely contribution to this discussion.
Brilliant and powerful Ros. It got me thinking about something my Zen teacher John Tarrant wrote which is full of insight:
“Every step into awareness means letting go of an old way of being, and the unavoidable grief of that change is loneliness. With its special talent for mourning and delight, the soul enters us through cuts in the healthy flesh. When we are in pain, it is amazing how much tenderness we are capable of, and how much joy we can take in the happiness of others. Even our anguish is one of the engines that preserves the world, and makes possible our human joy. Only angels and monsters are always strong and transparent of conscience.”
It was moving through pain that gave me greater awareness and compassion. Had I not suffered so earlier in my life I would not be ‘soulful’ now; so that analogy of cuts seems right.
I really loved my free childhood but you’ve got me thinking…maybe a bit more care and attention would have been nice! Ha. I particularly loved the reference to Achebe’s masterpiece because it is one of the few books I remember exactly where I read it and how moved I was by it, deeply moved over the injustice of it all. But back to triggers….i like to think I’m fairly sorted but poo you’ve got me thinking as you always do. I go in search of triggers and will report back 😂😍
This piece definitely spoke to the younger me, a person who actively suppressed all thoughts and feelings that he might be homosexual. I often cut myself both as a punishment for thinking and feeling what I did and as a way of being able to feel something - anything.
Today, due to the help and guidance of a man who talked and guided me along but never tried to convince me either way, I am now able to openly say I’m gay and not have it trigger any anxiety.
I’m so glad you were able to get to that stage, Thomas, and not stay at the cutting/trying to suppress your feelings stage. Life is so much richer when you can finally relax into who you are. Thank you for sharing this.
I came from a dysfunctional family. I grew up in the 70’s, when family problems, were not discussed.
I’ve been living with chronic anxiety all of my life, but I’ve been very good at hiding it.
Only recently, I’ve been finding ways of alleviating some of my issues by mediation and hypnotherapy. And yes, Ros, facing your trigger is the only way to begin to heal.
We have so many things in common, Nikki! 1970s dysfunctional families, living in Brighton (for a time), years and year of chronic anxiety, meditation. (I've also had a couple of very good hypnotherapy experiences but now use EFT by default). It's great to get on the other side of this stuff, and wish you all the best in your continuing journey. x
“A society that is determined not to trigger people is not only delusional, it is turning its citizens into victims, stoking grievance culture, and preventing people from recovering.”
If that doesn’t perfectly describe what is happening, nothing ever will. I don’t understand how folks can just avoid the triggers and not go after them so they can live an easier existence without them.
Thank you for writing this. I hadn't come across the research that says trigger warnings may make things worse - that is interesting.
I've recently started putting trigger warnings on my posts when it feels necessary, after losing subscribers immediately after they've opened posts that talk about the death of my young son from cancer. I agree with everything you wrote (which surprised me, honestly), and I am going to think about what I do going forward. Also, putting trigger warnings on your own life feels very alienating...
I'm intrigued by your reading on consciousness research! I'm fairly sure I have some reading either in my 'to read' piles or in my 'wish lists' somewhere on this. Any recommendations (if you have time/energy to give some)? I talk often with my therapist (with whom I've done EMDR and IFS therapy for trauma) about the difference between the brain and the mind. IFS seems to be using the mind to restructure the brain... It is all so fascinating!
I lose subscribers every time I post anything so maybe it wasn’t the sensitive subject matter. And I gain a bunch more too. I think people on this platform appreciate the Real; keep doing what feels right to you. Those who need to leave will leave; you didn’t do anything ‘wrong’.
Thank you for saying that. I am (most of the time, sort of) 'happy' when people unsubscribe. It is good when your readership hones itself to be more in line with what you are actually writing. Still, I do worry about upsetting people. Hopefully I will learn to let go of that worry over time...
Hi Ros, looking forward to reading a Marlowe biography from you! Will this be a biography of his known life (as in up to his recorded death - whether it was or not) or is it a book about authorship theories? Thanks!
Hi Tamara; yes, the one I’m working on goes up to 1593. It’s a re-evaluation of his life based on some new information that I have; some great new source documents. I’m pretty excited about it.
Oh brilliant! I'll be pre-ordering that! Which is not to say that I don't love listening to and considering your authorship theories and ongoing questions, because I do! But I would be so interested in your take on his biography -- I just took in what you said about new source documents, that is exciting
Ros, thank you for surfacing this idea. So true that we need to take notice of pour triggers and delve into the identification of them and thank them, as dealing with them will build our resilience, and likely preserve our healthy relationships, too, as avoiding what triggers us, just leaves our negative memories and even trauma, to grow and fester.
I went to see Shelagh Delaney’s Taste of Honey at the Royal Exchange in Manchester a few months back. It ripped me apart and laid me bare; I was sitting next to my husband, who’d never really got what was wrong enough to have sent me into therapy, and I was seeing my mother’s neglect and emotional dysregulation made flesh. If I’d known that would happen, I’d. have stayed away. But that night we talked in a way we never had before. “I never realised before how much your childhood damaged you,” he said. He’s followed through on that since with some significant changes in attitude and behaviour.
That is a fine example of how valuable it can be to be triggered. Thanks, Miranda.
Vestibular disorders (symptoms of dizziness both central and peripheral in origin) can cause a ton of anxiety and one of the number one things advised in coping is to NOT avoid triggers. Or at least, limit triggers but challenge yourself daily to at least one. The reason being that the brain will never learn how to feel “safe” in the midst of symptoms if we are in constant avoidance mode. And the anxiety only perpetuates and exacerbates dizziness so we’re doing ourselves more harm avoiding triggers than letting them roll in, even if they make us feel worse initially. Just thought I’d share this because it’s a very physical manifestation of what you’re speaking about!
Expirenced dizziness drowsiness yesterday after euthanasiang my Roxy a lay down with the rest of them helped,been reassured my oldest bitch rushed towards me and thanked me, letting me know that she was thankful for the task I had too undertake, the remaining pack the other four came in examination of Roxy, wagged there tails all surrounding me and thanking me.Me what love they give me and guidance all my Dog's in my life have I have lost count of the time's they have been there for me and saved my life.After the passing of my soulmate I had a metallic taste in my mouth,I couldn't lift my feet for years, walking across the hottest sharpest ground I couldn't get the pain to leave me, the healing came from nature, observation of all around me as far away as I could get from people, living in the forest and the Nullarbor here in Western Australian outback.When I would return to be amongst others I started to meet people who had been through what I had having a loved one taken in horrendous situation by the hand of another person,my heart goes out to those experiences people are going through right now across the globe, senseless murder of Mother's and of there Children and of there partners the Father's and of so many around.Inderniably and profusely this is affecting every one.So now we are once again all speaking the same tongues through this platform and others all over the Beutiful Planet Earth our Mother we all are ONE right here right now.Through our means of been able to interact and interpret each other's language let's do this and show each other's lives and journey.Who ever you are where ever you may be understand this you have brightened up someone's day without even knowing that.Someone might have seen you walking down the street there memorie going back to a pleasant time and place.You are loved no matter who you are never forget that,so lets bring this all together and start work on this. We the love generation by Bob Sinclair Please watch this it's on you tube. Love is the key. Regards Sean the beeman Western Australia
Thanks for sharing this, Kimberly. That’s a very interesting example.
This is a better perspective to look at our triggers. How long can we keep running away from them? In the end we are left exhausted and become tiresome to be ourselves for the people who love us. Accepting and mining through our triggers makes us courageous. Triggers may not disappear but we will know how to deal with them when they appear. Thanks for this beautiful piece on triggers.
You put that so well, Shanjitha. The exhaustion of running away, and how tiresome it can be for those who love us. Thank you.
I believe this also happens with introverts and HSPs who avoid stimulating environments. The more quiet, unstimulating, "safe" environments we keep our selves in, the less our nervous systems are able to handle. I've been slowly working on acclimating my nervous system back to into life.
That makes complete sense. It’s like exposure therapy for phobias, I guess, but that definitely needs to be carefully handled; small steps at a time.
Thanks for writing this piece, Ros. Yes, we had a lot of freedom growing up in the fifties and sixties. When I was seven years old, my mother let me and my friend Billy take the bus downtown to the movies--by ourselves. We enjoyed the show and made it back without incident.
Yes, mothers would tell the kids to go play outside, and we did. We entertained ourselves with games and sports, sitting around trying to decide what to do, and exploring. Sometimes we explored forbidden things. Some of that behavior had a deep and lasting effect on me. I don't blame anyone, certainly not my mother. I hid that part of me for forty-five years. When it came to light, it almost cost me my marriage, but it didn't. It set me on a spiritual path for twenty years and counting. My experience caused my wife to examine herself. She found she had some things to work on and joined me on the spiritual path. We live consciously and know when we've been triggered. We use the tools we have learned to deal with it.
All this worry about triggering someone just makes us a society of co-dependents, doesn't it?
Absolutely. And I too value many of the freedoms I had in childhood that I couldn’t give to my kids unless we were camping (in what felt like an enclosed, safe, car-free environment).
I loved that we could just hang out with your friends, like you describe.
The problem for me was much more about the dysfunctional family I grew up in, which set me on a path of suffering for quite a few years. But that messy childhood was the starting point for spiritual growth that I wouldn’t swap for the world.
Thank you again for your lovely contribution to this discussion.
Brilliant and powerful Ros. It got me thinking about something my Zen teacher John Tarrant wrote which is full of insight:
“Every step into awareness means letting go of an old way of being, and the unavoidable grief of that change is loneliness. With its special talent for mourning and delight, the soul enters us through cuts in the healthy flesh. When we are in pain, it is amazing how much tenderness we are capable of, and how much joy we can take in the happiness of others. Even our anguish is one of the engines that preserves the world, and makes possible our human joy. Only angels and monsters are always strong and transparent of conscience.”
(From The Light Inside The Dark)
Thank you, Carlo.
It was moving through pain that gave me greater awareness and compassion. Had I not suffered so earlier in my life I would not be ‘soulful’ now; so that analogy of cuts seems right.
I really loved my free childhood but you’ve got me thinking…maybe a bit more care and attention would have been nice! Ha. I particularly loved the reference to Achebe’s masterpiece because it is one of the few books I remember exactly where I read it and how moved I was by it, deeply moved over the injustice of it all. But back to triggers….i like to think I’m fairly sorted but poo you’ve got me thinking as you always do. I go in search of triggers and will report back 😂😍
I do like to get you thinking, as you know!
This piece definitely spoke to the younger me, a person who actively suppressed all thoughts and feelings that he might be homosexual. I often cut myself both as a punishment for thinking and feeling what I did and as a way of being able to feel something - anything.
Today, due to the help and guidance of a man who talked and guided me along but never tried to convince me either way, I am now able to openly say I’m gay and not have it trigger any anxiety.
I’m so glad you were able to get to that stage, Thomas, and not stay at the cutting/trying to suppress your feelings stage. Life is so much richer when you can finally relax into who you are. Thank you for sharing this.
I came from a dysfunctional family. I grew up in the 70’s, when family problems, were not discussed.
I’ve been living with chronic anxiety all of my life, but I’ve been very good at hiding it.
Only recently, I’ve been finding ways of alleviating some of my issues by mediation and hypnotherapy. And yes, Ros, facing your trigger is the only way to begin to heal.
We have so many things in common, Nikki! 1970s dysfunctional families, living in Brighton (for a time), years and year of chronic anxiety, meditation. (I've also had a couple of very good hypnotherapy experiences but now use EFT by default). It's great to get on the other side of this stuff, and wish you all the best in your continuing journey. x
Thanks Ros, and you too x
Sometimes a trigger happens in the strangest of places. You can't always tell what it will be.
I don't mind a general "Some viewers may find…" on the telly, but I'm not keen on them in literature. Not sure why the difference.
“A society that is determined not to trigger people is not only delusional, it is turning its citizens into victims, stoking grievance culture, and preventing people from recovering.”
If that doesn’t perfectly describe what is happening, nothing ever will. I don’t understand how folks can just avoid the triggers and not go after them so they can live an easier existence without them.
And there they are running away from something they will never escape without turning to face the issues and doing the work. Thanks, Sharon.
Here's what I want people to understand. Our generation didn't need trigger warnings on its literature, it just quit reading.
Another person's mental health needs and healing process aren't ours to dictate.
I agree. Everyone will experience things differently, is in a different place emotion-wise.
Thank you for writing this. I hadn't come across the research that says trigger warnings may make things worse - that is interesting.
I've recently started putting trigger warnings on my posts when it feels necessary, after losing subscribers immediately after they've opened posts that talk about the death of my young son from cancer. I agree with everything you wrote (which surprised me, honestly), and I am going to think about what I do going forward. Also, putting trigger warnings on your own life feels very alienating...
I'm intrigued by your reading on consciousness research! I'm fairly sure I have some reading either in my 'to read' piles or in my 'wish lists' somewhere on this. Any recommendations (if you have time/energy to give some)? I talk often with my therapist (with whom I've done EMDR and IFS therapy for trauma) about the difference between the brain and the mind. IFS seems to be using the mind to restructure the brain... It is all so fascinating!
I lose subscribers every time I post anything so maybe it wasn’t the sensitive subject matter. And I gain a bunch more too. I think people on this platform appreciate the Real; keep doing what feels right to you. Those who need to leave will leave; you didn’t do anything ‘wrong’.
Thank you for saying that. I am (most of the time, sort of) 'happy' when people unsubscribe. It is good when your readership hones itself to be more in line with what you are actually writing. Still, I do worry about upsetting people. Hopefully I will learn to let go of that worry over time...
Hi Ros, looking forward to reading a Marlowe biography from you! Will this be a biography of his known life (as in up to his recorded death - whether it was or not) or is it a book about authorship theories? Thanks!
Hi Tamara; yes, the one I’m working on goes up to 1593. It’s a re-evaluation of his life based on some new information that I have; some great new source documents. I’m pretty excited about it.
Oh brilliant! I'll be pre-ordering that! Which is not to say that I don't love listening to and considering your authorship theories and ongoing questions, because I do! But I would be so interested in your take on his biography -- I just took in what you said about new source documents, that is exciting
yes
Ros, thank you for surfacing this idea. So true that we need to take notice of pour triggers and delve into the identification of them and thank them, as dealing with them will build our resilience, and likely preserve our healthy relationships, too, as avoiding what triggers us, just leaves our negative memories and even trauma, to grow and fester.
Thank you, Gayle. I’m so pleased this has hit the spot with so many people. And you make a good point about preserving our healthy relationships.