My big changes in 2024 were I spent more than 6 months in one place for the first time in 3 years and the stillness it afforded physically and mentally helped me gain clarity on where I want to be in the world. I’m going there next week for a 3 month house sit. Step 1 on getting there. Step 2 figuring out how to stay there in progress!
Another big one has helped me further process childhood trauma. When my estranged narcissist mother tried to force her way back into my life by telling me the stepfather who physically, verbally and sexually abused me was dying and wanted to see me, it helped me let go of more guilt about choosing to have no contact with them and to forgive them further for everything that happened when I was growing up. They’ve got their own stuff that they’ve never dealt with.
And at age 52, I finally got properly fit! Ran 5k and started weight training. Feeling strong on the inside and outside as we head into another unpredictable year of further breakdown of our societal structures. Which, I agree, are leading us to a better place. It’s a rocky road to get there though!
Yes, what a rocky road. It sounds like you have navigated your own challenges wonderfully in 2024, and your six months of geographic stability and peace sounds wonderful. Having asked for the means to stay where you want to be in 2025, trust that it is unfolding for you in perfect timing :-) I love that we are on the same wavelength.
Thanks as ever Ros for all your posts. I don’t agree with everything you say of course but find it always very thought provoking. I totally agree about healing ourselves. By definition, if we all did that, the world could only be a better place. The Reith lectures this year were a fascinating insight into evil and how there are people out there looking deeply about the relationship between trauma and violence and looking at ways to break the cycle with the most traumatised in our society. It gave me hope. Personally, this year has been another step forward in my own personal happiness whilst observing a world, teetering. I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been whilst also gaining a key insight through a Hoffmann Essentials course that I identify 100% with my own inner critic so have been working on being kinder to myself, more compassionate, more forgiving and worrying less about being ‘right’. Who cares? Actually I had a great insight just the other day playing the game Catan with my girlfriends ex hubby and son who had come over from the USA for Christmas. Ali, my girlfriend, won and was very happy and I wondered why I could not easily be equally happy for her to win. I mean for goodness sake. It’s just a game. That ‘ol inner critic raising its head but at least I am now consciously incompetent about it.
In terms of 2025 like you say it will be another challenging year. I cannot understand how Israel (please do not translate in your mind as Jews - I mean the country Israel) cannot see how it is contributing to its own nightmare and how the only way out for everyone is a 2 state solution. People have to have hope. Give them no hope, make like worthless and horror happens. Just look at South Africa. I hope a way forward can be found. I also hope Trump shows fully what he is capable of and the US get full insight into who he actually is. For sure the next 4 years is going to be hard from that perspective. Personally I will be continuing to build my singing ability and like say looking inwards at how I can continue to be the best human I can be. I also aim to make a big dent in my mortgage as I really don’t want to be working until I’m 74, not for money anyway.
Never dropped my phone I’m afraid and with it all backed up in the cloud it hopefully wouldn’t be an issue.
Happy 2025. All we do have full control over is how we respond to ourselves and others. The more that do that the more that will be inspired to do that. To end on a big cliche, be the change you want to see.
I'm really happy to hear you're making such strides forward, Stephen; all very significant. Singing is a lovely addition. And yes, indeed; our control is only over ourselves and how we respond to the events we experience and witness. And if we feel we don't have full control over our responses, that is usually a sign of some of some old stuff that needs clearing out. Happy 2025 to you, too.
All of this is interesting and worth discussing. I keep thinking about story structure. There's always an internal and external goal. I think we can change internally and externally at the same time. Maybe one requires the other. Even if a person hasn't experienced trauma, the fact that so many others have can cause all of us anxiety and sadness. Maybe the big cure is to help others and let others help us.
I lived in Costa Rica for 3 years. I felt safer and more self esteem there because the community was strong and the government was very helpful to the people. My outsides changed, or helped change, my insides. Others around me were safer and happier and so was I.
I understand why sometimes healing our own wounds can seem a little navel gazy on its own. How many people can feel truly happy with themselves while watching others starve or suffer nearby, especially if they are an indirect cause of that suffering? I think a lot of "first world" people feel anxiety from personal trauma, but also from guilt about our role in global politics. I think to truly heal, we need to think about our internal needs and also our external actions.
To put it simply,feed yourself and also find a way to feed others, literally or metaphorically.
People who are carrying a lot of unresolved trauma can’t really help other people, as I know from experience. It was too disabling. But with trauma cleared/healed, we can achieve significant new capacities for doing good. Internal/external storylines are entirely intertwined, I agree!
I would say though that my definition of trauma includes ‘small t’ traumas like bullying, humiliation and betrayal, so there isn’t a person alive that hasn’t experienced some kind of trauma, even though to them it is invisible/unacknowledged; effects will be felt in numerous ways (e.g. fear of failure, fear of public speaking, jealousy, low self-esteem).
Costa Rica felt like a very special place even for the two weeks I was there; it was the site of a pivotal experience in my life. I love that you felt safe there.
As for guilt, for sure, there are myriad sources for it when we look at the state of the world. But guilt for something we have no direct control over is potentially disabling. Feeling empowered to do good in the world is better fuelled by love.
So much well said, Ros. In 2024, the biggest change was standing up to my surviving siblings in sorting out our brother's intestate estate. Again and again, I said to my therapist, 'How can they treat me this way?' The answer is unresolved trauma. Time and again, petty and secretive actions designed to exclude me and scapegoat, as the one that speaks out, rather than resorting to silence, denial and addictions. Sadly, this is the end of any relationship I have with any of my siblings. I have had to let them go with love, and I can only hope that they, too, will get some therapy to deal with the trauma we all experienced. I know I shall find my pocket of peace in the next few weeks, as it all comes to a close. I'm thankful to my excellent solicitor as well as my therapist for guiding me through this change.
Oh, how I relate to that, being scapegoated for being the one who speaks out. This is what makes us writers! I'm really glad to hear you have the support to guide you through this. And I'm very glad indeed you found a way, at last, to stand up for yourself.
1) I would say yes! I essentially completed the UN-hoarding of most of my hubby’s stuff — he died in Feb 2021, and made great strides in fixing up some of the warts on my property, some of which required Big Girl Panties & Power Tools - a Huge Thing.
2) I hope to sell up and move, buying a duplex with grown son, in same town as his serious GF, and nearer my sisters — another Huge Thing.
3) no - but I have blithely gone swimming with my phone in a belted case around my waist — we tend to stay in swimsuits all day at my sis’s cottage, which was our childhood heart’s-home; I shucked off my sun-covering skirt & shirt, jumped in, and swam a good half hour before I noticed 🤦♀️
1) This is indeed, huge, and wonderful, Elizabeth. I am a big fan of power tools; we just need to confidence to embrace these things (and Youtube videos are excellent).
2) This sounds like a great move.
3) Ahh... ouch. But so easy to forget something like this! I guess it didn't survive its swimming lesson.
I had a big change,as I retired. I’d only been working very part-time for the last year, so I didn’t think it’d make much difference….I was wrong, and found myself feeling very wobbly for a while.
Currently I have more fears than hopes for 2025 as I can see some tough times ahead. However, on a more positive note I have not ever (yet) dropped my phone in the toilet!
Retirement is understandly disconcerting, Helen. It’s hard not to have a massive wobble when something that has structured and at least partially defined your life ends. The challenge for 2025, then, will be looking for all the glimmers of light, and the new things that add to your life.
2024 was a year of completely bizarre health challenges for me. Starting with getting bitten by a dog! It was being surrendered to the dog rescue, by all counts a lovely family dog, great with the little disabled child of the family, etc etc. However, just add trauma - DV and household split, dog couldn’t go to rental, clearly saw itself as protector of small child and it simply flew through the door and latched onto my arm! I ended up with two nights in hospital, surgical washout, lots of antibiotics and 6 months of scar treatment!
Then a bout of pneumonia out of nowhere, and a CT angiogram picked up an abnormality in my lung which is very rare (the Interventional Radiologist who I was eventually referred to told me they are usually picked up AFTER people have a stroke!), but fortunately I will have repaired end Feb! I am so grateful for our public health system which has all sorts of problems (I work in health) but which comes to the party when you really need it!
2025 will bring retirement for me, which I can’t wait for. Work just gets in the way of my real life, but I am grateful for the earnings over the years. Although I only work 3 days a week, I can’t wait to give it up! More time with the grandkids and helping my kids out to ease their time stress. Their wellbeing means more to me than any job ever could.
Hi Ros, I’m hoping I’m booked in for Jan 14th?
My big changes in 2024 were I spent more than 6 months in one place for the first time in 3 years and the stillness it afforded physically and mentally helped me gain clarity on where I want to be in the world. I’m going there next week for a 3 month house sit. Step 1 on getting there. Step 2 figuring out how to stay there in progress!
Another big one has helped me further process childhood trauma. When my estranged narcissist mother tried to force her way back into my life by telling me the stepfather who physically, verbally and sexually abused me was dying and wanted to see me, it helped me let go of more guilt about choosing to have no contact with them and to forgive them further for everything that happened when I was growing up. They’ve got their own stuff that they’ve never dealt with.
And at age 52, I finally got properly fit! Ran 5k and started weight training. Feeling strong on the inside and outside as we head into another unpredictable year of further breakdown of our societal structures. Which, I agree, are leading us to a better place. It’s a rocky road to get there though!
Hi Amanda, you most certainly are!
Yes, what a rocky road. It sounds like you have navigated your own challenges wonderfully in 2024, and your six months of geographic stability and peace sounds wonderful. Having asked for the means to stay where you want to be in 2025, trust that it is unfolding for you in perfect timing :-) I love that we are on the same wavelength.
It seems like the universe is providing the steps to make it happen! And I love that we’re on the same wavelength too. 💙
Thanks as ever Ros for all your posts. I don’t agree with everything you say of course but find it always very thought provoking. I totally agree about healing ourselves. By definition, if we all did that, the world could only be a better place. The Reith lectures this year were a fascinating insight into evil and how there are people out there looking deeply about the relationship between trauma and violence and looking at ways to break the cycle with the most traumatised in our society. It gave me hope. Personally, this year has been another step forward in my own personal happiness whilst observing a world, teetering. I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been whilst also gaining a key insight through a Hoffmann Essentials course that I identify 100% with my own inner critic so have been working on being kinder to myself, more compassionate, more forgiving and worrying less about being ‘right’. Who cares? Actually I had a great insight just the other day playing the game Catan with my girlfriends ex hubby and son who had come over from the USA for Christmas. Ali, my girlfriend, won and was very happy and I wondered why I could not easily be equally happy for her to win. I mean for goodness sake. It’s just a game. That ‘ol inner critic raising its head but at least I am now consciously incompetent about it.
In terms of 2025 like you say it will be another challenging year. I cannot understand how Israel (please do not translate in your mind as Jews - I mean the country Israel) cannot see how it is contributing to its own nightmare and how the only way out for everyone is a 2 state solution. People have to have hope. Give them no hope, make like worthless and horror happens. Just look at South Africa. I hope a way forward can be found. I also hope Trump shows fully what he is capable of and the US get full insight into who he actually is. For sure the next 4 years is going to be hard from that perspective. Personally I will be continuing to build my singing ability and like say looking inwards at how I can continue to be the best human I can be. I also aim to make a big dent in my mortgage as I really don’t want to be working until I’m 74, not for money anyway.
Never dropped my phone I’m afraid and with it all backed up in the cloud it hopefully wouldn’t be an issue.
Happy 2025. All we do have full control over is how we respond to ourselves and others. The more that do that the more that will be inspired to do that. To end on a big cliche, be the change you want to see.
I'm really happy to hear you're making such strides forward, Stephen; all very significant. Singing is a lovely addition. And yes, indeed; our control is only over ourselves and how we respond to the events we experience and witness. And if we feel we don't have full control over our responses, that is usually a sign of some of some old stuff that needs clearing out. Happy 2025 to you, too.
All of this is interesting and worth discussing. I keep thinking about story structure. There's always an internal and external goal. I think we can change internally and externally at the same time. Maybe one requires the other. Even if a person hasn't experienced trauma, the fact that so many others have can cause all of us anxiety and sadness. Maybe the big cure is to help others and let others help us.
I lived in Costa Rica for 3 years. I felt safer and more self esteem there because the community was strong and the government was very helpful to the people. My outsides changed, or helped change, my insides. Others around me were safer and happier and so was I.
I understand why sometimes healing our own wounds can seem a little navel gazy on its own. How many people can feel truly happy with themselves while watching others starve or suffer nearby, especially if they are an indirect cause of that suffering? I think a lot of "first world" people feel anxiety from personal trauma, but also from guilt about our role in global politics. I think to truly heal, we need to think about our internal needs and also our external actions.
To put it simply,feed yourself and also find a way to feed others, literally or metaphorically.
People who are carrying a lot of unresolved trauma can’t really help other people, as I know from experience. It was too disabling. But with trauma cleared/healed, we can achieve significant new capacities for doing good. Internal/external storylines are entirely intertwined, I agree!
I would say though that my definition of trauma includes ‘small t’ traumas like bullying, humiliation and betrayal, so there isn’t a person alive that hasn’t experienced some kind of trauma, even though to them it is invisible/unacknowledged; effects will be felt in numerous ways (e.g. fear of failure, fear of public speaking, jealousy, low self-esteem).
Costa Rica felt like a very special place even for the two weeks I was there; it was the site of a pivotal experience in my life. I love that you felt safe there.
As for guilt, for sure, there are myriad sources for it when we look at the state of the world. But guilt for something we have no direct control over is potentially disabling. Feeling empowered to do good in the world is better fuelled by love.
Also, please forgive typos and bad grammar of my previous post. I'm typing on my phone, which is not currently in the toilet.
Of course, Tresha! I am glad you have avoided that experience so far :-).
So much well said, Ros. In 2024, the biggest change was standing up to my surviving siblings in sorting out our brother's intestate estate. Again and again, I said to my therapist, 'How can they treat me this way?' The answer is unresolved trauma. Time and again, petty and secretive actions designed to exclude me and scapegoat, as the one that speaks out, rather than resorting to silence, denial and addictions. Sadly, this is the end of any relationship I have with any of my siblings. I have had to let them go with love, and I can only hope that they, too, will get some therapy to deal with the trauma we all experienced. I know I shall find my pocket of peace in the next few weeks, as it all comes to a close. I'm thankful to my excellent solicitor as well as my therapist for guiding me through this change.
Oh, how I relate to that, being scapegoated for being the one who speaks out. This is what makes us writers! I'm really glad to hear you have the support to guide you through this. And I'm very glad indeed you found a way, at last, to stand up for yourself.
1) I would say yes! I essentially completed the UN-hoarding of most of my hubby’s stuff — he died in Feb 2021, and made great strides in fixing up some of the warts on my property, some of which required Big Girl Panties & Power Tools - a Huge Thing.
2) I hope to sell up and move, buying a duplex with grown son, in same town as his serious GF, and nearer my sisters — another Huge Thing.
3) no - but I have blithely gone swimming with my phone in a belted case around my waist — we tend to stay in swimsuits all day at my sis’s cottage, which was our childhood heart’s-home; I shucked off my sun-covering skirt & shirt, jumped in, and swam a good half hour before I noticed 🤦♀️
1) This is indeed, huge, and wonderful, Elizabeth. I am a big fan of power tools; we just need to confidence to embrace these things (and Youtube videos are excellent).
2) This sounds like a great move.
3) Ahh... ouch. But so easy to forget something like this! I guess it didn't survive its swimming lesson.
I seem to be subscribed. Can you add me to the Jan 14th cohort?
Thanks
Dave Cuffe
Absolutely, Dave. You are in!
I had a big change,as I retired. I’d only been working very part-time for the last year, so I didn’t think it’d make much difference….I was wrong, and found myself feeling very wobbly for a while.
Currently I have more fears than hopes for 2025 as I can see some tough times ahead. However, on a more positive note I have not ever (yet) dropped my phone in the toilet!
Retirement is understandly disconcerting, Helen. It’s hard not to have a massive wobble when something that has structured and at least partially defined your life ends. The challenge for 2025, then, will be looking for all the glimmers of light, and the new things that add to your life.
2024 was a year of completely bizarre health challenges for me. Starting with getting bitten by a dog! It was being surrendered to the dog rescue, by all counts a lovely family dog, great with the little disabled child of the family, etc etc. However, just add trauma - DV and household split, dog couldn’t go to rental, clearly saw itself as protector of small child and it simply flew through the door and latched onto my arm! I ended up with two nights in hospital, surgical washout, lots of antibiotics and 6 months of scar treatment!
Then a bout of pneumonia out of nowhere, and a CT angiogram picked up an abnormality in my lung which is very rare (the Interventional Radiologist who I was eventually referred to told me they are usually picked up AFTER people have a stroke!), but fortunately I will have repaired end Feb! I am so grateful for our public health system which has all sorts of problems (I work in health) but which comes to the party when you really need it!
2025 will bring retirement for me, which I can’t wait for. Work just gets in the way of my real life, but I am grateful for the earnings over the years. Although I only work 3 days a week, I can’t wait to give it up! More time with the grandkids and helping my kids out to ease their time stress. Their wellbeing means more to me than any job ever could.